After taking this picture, every Chinese person in our section decided to follow suit and block the views of the people who actually were sitting there.
The last three days of the Olympics were better than any Vegas trip that I have ever been on. I basically spent the money needed for a trip to Hong Kong (with lodging but no fancy suits) on tickets to see: The Track & Field Finals on Friday, Boxing Finals on Saturday, and then the Gold Medal USA Hoops Game (I actually got a free ticket to this one) on Sunday.
So I went with my friend Luojia to the Bird's Nest on Friday and it was a night that really shined. The 4x100 relays, the Pole Vault Final, The Women's Long Jump, and a bunch of other stuff. Not to mention we sat eleven rows up right by the jumping pit so our seats were about as good as you can get, complete with maniacal Jamaican fans who were either coaches or family members of the competitors. Jamaica now completely dominates the track events in the Olympics, and speculatively speaking this may have something to do with the fact that they are only tested three times a year for drugs. With no random tests at all, making it incredibly ease to cycle on or off (this is all hypothetical) steroids. Regardless, they are the best in the world and I still have the utmost admiration for the record-breaking feats that I witnessed during the Olympiad.
So after going through a time-consuming and completely annoying security check not once but twice, we lumbered our way into the stadium. On a side note I must address the Chinese security check-points...they are awful. It is like going through an airport security line where EVERYBODY sets off the sensors. There was even one time where I walked through in a tank-top, board shorts & sandals, with nothing in my pockets, and I still set off the demonic red light which I will always loathe. After iginiting the matching button a wand is probed all over your body parts including the family jewels. So as you can imagine since everybody sets off the sensors, the lines take far too long to get through. The reward being a frail Chinese security guard who has just wanded you in your privates, then gives you a stern-faced nod to walk another kilometer to the stadium as you continually wince at the painful prodding you have just endured.
The track though was worth the annoying assault that I had to arduously endure and Jamaica was fantastic. Winning the Women's Long Jump by a few centimeters, their fans danced around like Bob Marley was playing a live concert back from the grave. This party went on for quite some time, that is until the Women's 4x100 track team (who had the Gold, Silver, & Bronze medalists in the event) dropped the baton on the final turn and ended up getting ousted. This dubious screw-up had happened to the US 4x100 Men's and Women's teams in the earlier events, and they did not even qualify. Can somebody call Carl Lewis for me, we need a new coach. Just make sure that he does not do any singing, his National Anthem will go on in infamy until the next Ice Age...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_uDc5tQxmJY
Soon after, the 4x100 for the Men took place and the happy, and then angry, and now happy again Jamaicans celebrated like the last scene of "Cool Runnings". Bolt, in my humble opinion, is the best short-distance Track Athlete of all-time. This is not just because he blows everybody out of the water in the races, but because he is so laid back leading up to the race. Everyone else is nervous and in their own bubble as the pride of their nation is on the line, and Bolt might as well be sipping a Mai Tai on a tropical beach. Then he celebrates afterwards with some of the worst dance moves I have seen since bumping into a Korean dance crew at a club who had choreographed their hip hop dance to the Soulja Boy song (word on the street is that Korea is now the world's greatest haven for Soulja Boy's has-been lyrical non-talent). The Pole Vault final was the event of the night though, as a red-haired Australian named "Hooker" kept coming back from the dead on his last jumps to advance to the medal rounds. Since this was late in the night, most of the fans were slightly inebriated, and all of the legendary Aussie fan patrol kept shouting "Come on, HOOKER! You can do it HOOKER!" I may have joined in on a few of these chants. My friends and I always joke about Gingers, and many have even joined "The Official Ginger Awareness Group" on Facebook. It is amazing that not only do they allow ginger-haired Carrot Top look-alikes to compete in the games, but they even give them medals when they win and treat them like the non-Ginger competitors. It's nice to see segregation broken down first-hand as the world matures...HAHAHA. Well, our pole-vaulting Ron Howard disciple really helped give the Gingers some much-needed accolades, and ended up winning the event... This was my Friday evening, and have to say it was my favorite Olympic event of the games.
On Saturday, I scored Boxing Finals tickets and used my extra ticket to take the Chinese volunteer named Barbara with me to watch some first-class pugilism. Even though she was an Olympic volunteer, and a very pretty one at that, she had not gone to a single event. Pretty lame how being a volunteer gets you into zero events, and they make you wear a lame t-shirt that reminds me of the saddened suckers who serve Churro's at Disneyland by Space Mountain (I am ashamed to admit that this was my first ever job and was as lame or lamer than anyone could imagine...I have no love for that mouse). So after settling in at the boxing a group of Americans who looked as if they had been on a ten-hour drinking bender stormed in behind us. After a little while, I ended up chatting with the bumbling booze-hounds and it so happened that they all worked at this pizza joint in Beijing called "The Crow's Nest", which happens to be the only good pizza that I have found in the city. One of the guys was not hammered and was obviously the leader, and we ended up bonding over boxing chat and he told me that he was the manager of the restaurant. His friends were as sharp as beach balls, as Damien The Manager and I managed to convince his followers that the bronze medalist fights had all ended in draws and that is why two boxers kept getting bronze medals. In Olympics Boxing, there is no bronze medal match so the two losing semifinalists get bronzes. You would have thought after the third time that the pizza servers would have figured it out, but these guys had taken one too many hits from the bong and thought it was awesome how many ties there were.
After a few lackluster fights, we finally got a gem. It was in Middleweights as James Degale from the UK took on a Cuban. Degale was just the biggest wuss ever (disclaimer: I know that he could beat the living tar out of me in 30 seconds, this is just in comparison to other fighters), he got an early lead on points so all he did was clutch and grab for the last two rounds. It really proved the point that the Olympic scoring systems is garbage and needs to be trashed ASAP. As a ticket-purchasing customer I felt the obligation to BOOO!!!!!!!!!! as loud as I could, and Damien and his pizza posse followed suit. The next thing you knew all of the Chinese people in our section, who are fascinated with just about everything, joined in as did a bunch of other sections joined in our ruckus. This BRIT boxer acter as if it was the waltz final all the way to the end, and as he got wusser we got louder and then some not-so-nice remarks were thrown out. I knew it had gotten out of hand when my date for the evening Barbara, shouted out "YOU SUCK LIMEY!!!!" At the top of her lungs. We continued the booing even when the Brit was on the medal stand, which is completely wrong and immoral, but by this time the mob mentality had come into full force and the hurricane was let loose. So that was my last Olympic boxing event, and the only thing I can take away from it is crazy fans from Eastern Europe and hating a British Boxer whose gold medal was tarnished in part by my rudeness... Sorry Uncle Sam, but up until that point I had been a good American, but I dropped the ball on this one.
Sunday Funday was craziness. I had gone out the night before and was ready to throw in the towel, my body can only handle so much Olympics. Seriously, it's like being trapped at the Hard Rock Hotel in Vegas for two weeks. So much fun, but after a while you just want to cash in your chips and call it a good time had. But when I was offered a ticket to the Gold Medal Basketball Game I had to put on my war face once again and I soon enough I was being prodded by a rod in my rear by a Chinese boy who was yet to go through puberty. The first game was actually pretty weak, Argentina just came out and just ate Lithuania's lunch. But the Gold Medal Game was amazing. A friend of a friend and I snuck our way down to the good seats by becoming fast friends with some Chinese hoops fans with great tickets (one of the guys had on an old-school Michael Jordan jersey), and got within shouting distance of Kobe, Carmello, and the rest of the dream-teamers. Since there was nothing but hot dogs on a stick and it was too early to booze I decided to satisfy my hunger with all of the junk food that 20 RMB (three dollars US can buy), and had the luxury of watching the game in some great seats. Of course I got kicked out of the seats soon thereafter and was sent back to the upper-deck, but it was a good run while it lasted. Even watching the game from the nose-bleed section was great, as the emotion of the crowd meant more than being closer or far away from the action. Two things I will really remember from that game: Dwight Howard getting dunked on by Rudy Fernandez; Kobe Bryant taking some awful shots at the end of the game. I know the US won, and Kobe lead us to victory, but please watch the last five minutes of the game and then tell me that Kobe was being a team player. The fade-away three with a hand in his face made me want to scream. Nevertheless, the US won, order is restored in the American world dominance of basketball, and the Olympics had come to a close.
As I heard the National Anthem play and saw our heroes on the hardwood I shed a tear. Not because of my joy for the nation, but because the Olympics had officially come to a close. And the factories and cars would open again at their maximum capacity, bringing back the pollution and gridlock of pre-Olympic daily life.
I tip my hat to China for doing an amazing job with the Olympics. I will never forget these days of grace, and can only reminisce of heckling handball referees or Chinese fans yelling Jiao over and over again. The Chinese Olympiad is over and I am saddened but feel that I did it the best that I could.
a saddened former spectator,
Matt
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