I'm back...

Hello again,

I know it has been a while but I'm finally back to blogging. In defense to the chosen few who continue to read this blog, I live in a city where there are literally two good months of weather for the entire year...September & October. That's it. It's start to get cold & windy come November, and then in December the snow hits the city and everyone runs for cover. Mix Chinese snow with one of the most polluted cities in the world and you get yourself a toxic slushy that is dangerous and destroys my Fake Air Jordans by the week. Chalk up about five pairs of fake Polo socks (for work)and Nike (for regular activity)socks for play, and you get the contents of my weekly dumpster run. FYI- there are no dumpsters in China. There are only these bicycle-propelled trash cans that the entire neighborhood forages through for anything of value. Furthermore, seeing as I consume more plastic/glass bottles than the entire neighborhood, whenever I throw my stuff away the locals run to the trash can. I have mixed feelings about the whole scenario; on one hand, I feel that my privacy is being supremely violated; on the other hand, the people of China as a whole are poor and I shouldn't judge them. Nevertheless, I do judge them and what makes it worse ss that one local woman literally screams and curses at me if somebody besides her is the first to my trash can. WTF! Am I supposed to flag her down? Man, China is so weird sometimes I just can't really put it into words what I feel during these types of verbal exchanges.

Work is good, it is the one constant out here. I have been promoted at the prestigious People's University (Renmin Daxue), as I now teach Undergraduate Students, Doctoral Students, and the Administration. I wear really flashy three-piece suits that distinctly resemble the wardrobe Robert DeNiro wore in the movie "Goodfellas". I top it off with a vast collection of Aviator shades which I buy by the handful whenever it is that go to "The Silk Market" the mecca of counterfeit goods. Last time I went there I came out with a remote-controlled counterfeit helicopter which I promptly crashed into the trees of the courtyard outside of my apartment. I may have scared the hell out of half the neighborhood, but they all look at me like an American ambassador panda anyways so it's all the same to me.

The students all do exactly as they are told, so they behave exactly the opposite of how I did when I was a student. They call me Sir or Professor, and whenever they see me on campus they are "honored". Both the men and the women call me "handsome", which I find awkward at times. I am guessing it has to due with their limited vocabularies. In each class I have a "monitor" and she (it is always a she), does anything I ask...literally. I sent one of them the other day to Chinese customs to pickup my Amazon Kindle with my Passport and Credit Card. I have not heard from her yet, but I'm fairly certain she will return with my documents and Amazon Kindle tomorrow or I will surely fail her.

I give the students a list of mostly ridiculous names to choose from, and when they choose a name such as: Leroy, Kostas, Richie, Caesar, Alejandro, or Grouse (personal favorite), I don't even chuckle since it would ruin my joke. What I have done for two of the classes is take their photos and put them up on Facebook, and then tagged said named friends. Fortunately, the Chinese have put up "The Great Wall of Facebook", and this is what keeps me safe from these students finding out about how I am kindof clowning them. I think I may be the only person in the Orient who is completely opposed to the Chinese taking down "The Great Wall of Facebook". Since I work at the #1 government affiliated university in China I would surely be fired or worse if these students knew about my shenanigans.

On a lighter note, I do feel that I take my job seriously (besides the small pranks). At least compared to the other teachers who mostly resemble stone-age creatures that are still stuck in the chalkboard and ruler days. For my Administration class, they have me teaching with another professor because some of the Administration are highly-ranked Communist Party members and demand the satisfaction of two teachers. One of the guys that I teach with is super-cool, and we get along great. However, this guy I work with on Wednesday nights played a makeshift game of Duck-Duck-Goose using a name game during our first clsas. Subsequently, when I gave my lecture which was comprehensively organized on PPT with hours of effort and due diligence on my part, he acted as if I was messing up his schedule of things to do and what-not. We have a dinner date before class at 5PM on Wednesday which I will surely try to cancel. I have only missed one day of class in almost four full semesters of work at the University, but I have ducked & dodged a multitude of nonsensical meetings as if I was Barry Sanders in his prime.

Anyways, I should probably be getting back to my couch. I caught a Cold the other day, and that is another reason for the return of my blog. Next time I promise to tell more interesting stories, as I have been going to this crazy bar full of Mongolian whores at 7 or 8 AM to watch USC football games and the World Series. "The Den" is the only place I know open 24 hours, and a few weeks back I saw the gnarliest fight of my life which ended with a Mongolian whore breaking a bottle over the head of another Mongolian whore. Seriously, DO NOT MESS WITH MONGOLIAN WHORES.
Additionally, I have made enemies with two rent-a-cops who work the gate outside of my gym, and I may have to ask one of my students who is a real police officer to tell them to leave me alone. I really wish I did not call one of their mother's a whore...hypothetically speaking.

I'm out,

Atkinson