Getting Served, Returning Serve, & Getting Served Again

So for some reason I just keep getting served. Except for one moment the last four days have been just like this... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2W1eb7ekpkg
FYI- you may have to copy and paste the link rather than just clicking on it, maybe not.

So after getting served on Saturday I woke up in pain on Sunday, like was mentioned, but there was one caveat. I was supposed to go for a walk in the park with the pretty Filipino singer from the Westin, that I had dinner with the previous evening. I called and texted her a few times but she did not answer. Thinking that she was probably having phone issues I strolled over to the near-by Westin, and thought she would be waiting for me in the lobby. Well, she was in the lobby, with the prettiest man I have ever seen in my entire life. He made Marc Anthony look like a rough-faced red-head from Idaho, it was pretty stern. But I kept my ego in check, and before she noticed I was there, I strolled off. I had other plans with another woman for dinner so there was no broken heart or shed tears. Not to mention a party after dinner with Luojia and her friends, at a domicile called the "Lucky 808 Flat".

My Mandarin professor connected me with her former classmate from Tsinghua, who is about my age, and is single and lives in the city. So all was not lost yet........yet. At Six P.M. the dynamo known as Christine showed up at my locale, hailed a taxi, and exclaimed to me that we were going out for some "authentic" Chinese food. I was pretty excited, and had already forgot about my serving from the songstress during the afternoon. I have no idea what part out of town we were in, but I am lost every day already as is(I can't even instruct my taxi driver where to drive, I just hand him a card and hope for the best), and this was way more lost than I had been so far during my misadventures. We arrived in some sort of a time warp in a place she referred to as "Old China".

We drank rice wine out of wood goblets; the waiters and waitresses wore traditional Chinese dress; and the whole experience felt like I was living in the movie "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon"........and then the food came. Fish head, weird noodles that looked like pythons, other things that I just flat-out can't describe, I was no longer looking forward to the experience: but I am a good guest and will never turn down a meal, and dove in like I was trying to win fifty G's on "Fear Factor". Now it wasn't that the food was bad, because I can't really tell you what it tasted like. Since it was so spicy that water shed from my forehead like I had just finished diving the Great Barrier Reef. My face became so red and irritated that I had thoughts of jumping into the fountain, or pulling the fire alarm so I had an excuse to depart. After our meal, I was still just about DOA, and in the taxi ride home I just kept telling myself that I would be home soon; unfortunately, the taxi took like a full hour to get home. It was just an awful day. My dinner-date did understand and I will see her again at a restaurant of my choosing, I only wish Colonel Sanders had an equally expensive meal choice (she paid), The Colonel never would have let me down.

Instead of attending the party full of peeps who are on their way out of Beijing ( the party was entitled "Bye Bye Beijing"), I decided it was best to follow the words of Kenny Rogers "The Gambler": "you gotta know when to hold em', know when to fold em', know when to walk away, know when to RUN." I decided to cash in my poker chips, plunge into my bed, and flip on the t.v., and watch 50 Cent's critically-acclaimed masterpiece "Get Rich or Die Trying". He may lay the smack down on me if he ever reads this, but 50 you are the worst actor on the planet, and if there is alien life form, the galaxy as well... The Screen Actors Guild would be forced to give Nas an Oscar, if they were to compare his nauseating performance in "Belly", to your two-hour long melancholy diatribe of hustling in "Get Rich or Die Trying". Sunday was no funday, not indeed.

I have been working pretty hard the last few days, and got a bunch of accolades for helping the company redefine its American business model, but I was still grouchy on Tuesday and was looking for a little return of serve. Now, I am going to show you the real email between a future Pepperdine MBA Student (where I currently attend my second year of Grad School), and myself. All of the students have a cumulative Google Group where questions like: where should I live, what class should I take, PC or Mac, and other general scholastic topics are represented. But one man really broke free of the curve, as if you were dissecting quantitative analysis and noticed the most outlandish outlier ever... an I just had to serve him. Not only that, but I sent my serve to over three-hundred students and other faculty & Admin's (it will be only a matter of time before I get the "this is unacceptable behavior email/speech", but like I said I needed redemption.

HERE IT IS: I swear to you all it is 100% accurate.

DAVID

"Hey everyone! its been a few days since i posted. I'll introduce myself again, My name is David Whitten and I'll be a first time student for the MS/MBA track for global business. I recently signed a lease at the Malibu Canyon apartments and I'm very excited about starting the school year,fortunately or unfortunately, i have an upstairs unit and hiring a moving company is quite costly. I was wondering if any two gentlemen would be interested in helping me out to move the heavier items upstairs. It's not a lot, but it certainly takes more than me. Now the important part...the incentive. Unfortunately I cannot offer winning lottery numbers but a pizza and beer dinner on me might be close! ill be moving on the 16th of July from San Diego, I'll have a U-Haul truck, my own pickup truck and money for dinner. Any takers?"
Thank you thank you David

MY RESPONSE:

That is so sweet! I would give you a hand but I live in Beijing, China. I think you are going to have to up your offer to Arnie Morton's Steakhouse and a bottle of fine wine if we are talking Malibu prices. LOL. Also, I would like to nominate Srini for Google Group Participant of The Year. You are a legend my friend. I tip my cap to you. Sorry, for being a little less than serious. But I am currently in an uncomfortable cubicle, where I intern at a company in Beijing, China that opens its fourth-floor windows rather than utilizing the modern invention of air-conditioning. Furthermore, there is a clothing store not too far away that plays the same five songs in a row non-stop... ALL DAY LONG.
Britney Spears "Hit Me Baby One More Time"
Backstreet Boys "Back Tonight"
And three others that I despise so much I dare not even speak their names.
From the Orient,Matt
P.S. David, I just don't know what to say. I mean asking a friend to move some couches is painful enough, but GOOGLE GROUPS!!!!Priceless.... I just want you to know that I sent this email to everyone I have ever met in my life.
P.S.S. If you speak any Spanish, I recommend going to a local Home Depot and hiring two workers. Make sure to negotiate the price beforehand.

So this morning I immediately felt sick: headache, sore throat, sinus stuff, I knew that I was being punished for my Google Group Guapo Loco Blast. I also got hit with a case of buyer's remorse now that David will probably view me as some sort of arch-nemesis A LA "The Count Of Monte Christo". I probably should have just sent it to him individually, yeah I definitely should have...No bueno! But I went to work as normal, and pretended to put on a happy face. Everyone is incredibly happy with me, and like always I was taken to lunch at the medieval cafeteria, and given my Mandarin lessons. After munching on the swine of swine and other filth, the prettiest of the women at my work produced a lime-green Frisbee, and motioned for the courtyard area where we could toss it around. Even though I was feeling as healthy as Keith Richard's lungs, I managed to muster the energy to toss it around a little bit. Being the dumb American that I can be from time-to-time, I took this casual game of Frisbee way too serious and ran down every toss no matter how far off target. I made a grab that brought back memories of Big Mike Williams one-hander in the Coliseum, jumping in the air, BUT when I came down I landed directly on the foot of the same attractive woman who brought the Frisbee to begin with. She was not impressed! Not even a little. But I decided to suck it up, and keep playing, and not five minutes later I ran directly into a lamp post. That sucked too.

My leg is feeling just awful. My head hurts. I don't know what else to say. I just keep getting served. Well, ladies and gents I am gonna take it easy for a few and then try to bring it back to my older days in this mercurial city. My bro Justin is out on Monday, my friend Julie Metral finally arrives in the city, and Fat Joe will no doubt be in attendance.

in two days,
I'll be,
"Making It Rain!"
until then,
ATKINSON